I had a pretty good childhood from what I remember. My dad worked 3rd shift, so he was asleep by the time I'd come home from school. We were so happy when they put him on 1st. I had a ton of friends (as children do) and my mom was awesome and I even got along with my siblings. Now that you know that my life wasn't complete shit from the beginning, let's skip ahead to the real beginning, shall we?
I eventually got away. And all I knew to do was run my athletic ass in the direction that I saw my brother walking. I finally caught up to him, but I was too tired and couldn't speak by the time I did. He took me back to Mike's house and I went to bed. I woke up and Mike was in bed with me. His hand was in my pants and his face was so close to my neck that it was sweating from his breath. I screamed that time. I didn't hesitate. My brother came running in there and dragged him out of the bed, dragged him outside, and beat the hell out of him. So Mike's mom called the cops and we ran. Now keep in mind that I was like 75-80 lbs and no taller than 5'2". And I had drugs in my system that I'd never had before. So with all that activity and blood loss, I got a little loopy.
A patrolling officer saw us walking up the road and pulled over. I couldn't stand or speak. He thought I was drunk and he put something in my mouth and told me to blow. Two red 0's flashed and everything started getting black. I remember being put in the back of his car. And I thought I was dreaming that everything was liquid and black and too thick to breathe and I was sinking. And then it got very still in my head and there was this...not really a light, but sort of?... It was more like Navi for the afterlife. It told me I was dead and that I needed to go back because it wasn't time for me yet.
I woke up on my mother's couch drenched with sweat and urine, apparently. I made my way to the bathroom to change clothes and just cried. At the time, I didn't really know why I was crying. I guess it was Emily because it all happened to her from the point of being drug up the hill. She gave me the memory back not too long ago, actually, because she was told I could handle it. So anyways, that's the first part. The second part is just a few sentences.
By the time I told someone what I thought happened, it'd been too long to go to court because any kind of vaginal evidence was gone. But he got what he deserved. If only I could have been the guy that killed him... When I found out he was dead... I can't explain that feeling. Elation? Peace? Freedom? So many things went through my mind and I felt so many different things.. I only wish that's where it really ended...
Progress:
-Work full shift without getting down.
Today was eventful. Amavin re-emerged, Eden got a lot of useful information, I drove to my sister's where I will be staying until Sunday, and my mental stability is slowly deteriorating. But I'm going horseback riding tomorrow. I hope it helps clear my mental space a little...
My sister may have the pleasure of meeting Avana in person since she loves horses as much as I do and has been dying to get back on one for ages.
This will be my first night without Skype in quite some time. I at least got to call my love about 3 hours ago and I stayed on the phone until she was fast asleep. Most of the time, her comfort comes before mine and that's a choice I make. I mean, yeah, I'll have a little trouble when/if I attempt this foreign thing called sleep, but that's not important. What matters is my girlfriend fell asleep to the sound of my voice and the last thing she heard me say was "I love you." That means more to me than most people realize.
Emily's been pretty quiet today. I just let her watch something on some kid's network. I'm unfamiliar with the television anyway, but put me in another state and I'm totally lost. She didn't want to color or draw or read today. In fact, I heard very little from her. The others have been rather quiet as well... It makes me think something is going on that I don't know about. -shrug-
Well...wish me luck. Off to the air mattress to hopefully dream sweetly about Eden.
Today is a strange day, to say the least. We were up last night til about 5am. Emily was too afraid to go in and sleep. She was telling Avana that she had horrible nightmares, so Avana told me and I put in a movie for Emily, hoping it would help her sleep. That was exactly 11pm. Emily was out until quarter past 3. Eden told me that she'd been up with her since 1 because she didn't want her to be alone if she was so scared. (Thank you again - I love you! )
When I came back, Eden told me that Emily informed her that she's been here since I was 9, which is just as long as Amavin. Speaking of Amavin, Emily also said that she's still around and that Amavin had been taking care of her all these years. Emily said that everyone always tells her to go away, so she was scared to talk to anyone but Amavin because she was my gatekeeper. Then Eden relayed the message to Laia because she'd been getting pretty suspicious about Amavin's "integration" and let me tell you, Laia wasn't happy.
After Laia caught wind that Amavin is still in here somewhere, she immediately grabbed Avana and they've gone on what I can only assume is a search. It's quiet in my head for the first time in I don't know how long aside from Emily's tiny voice. It's odd. I feel lethargic and spacey - like things are missing - which they are. Around 4:30ish, I'd say, my vision shook. I was looking at my ceiling fan and it moved a few inches to the left, though I know it didn't really go anywhere. A sharp pain shot through my head and I felt unreasonably angry for a moment. I guess they found her...
Nothing I can do now but wait. =\
Emily is turning out to be an amazing addition to my headling family. She's innocent and sweet and caring and she doesn't see colors of skin or religious differences - she just sees people she can play with or talk to. I've found she's afraid of men. While she was watching Lion King last night, one of my guy friends dropped by to deliver the book he ordered for me (House of Leaves =D) and she immediately closed the dvd player (it's portable) and ran back inside and hid from him. I don't think I've ever switched so quickly. After he left, I talked to Eden about it and Emily seemed to calm down and decided she wanted to finish the movie.
Eden told me that after the movie was over, Emily read Cinderella to her and they talked for a while until she was ready to sleep.
In the meantime...
It was a full moon last night. For some reason, I don't react well to full moons. My energy goes haywire and I turn into some kind of homicidal ravenous...thing, or I become completely debilitated in every aspect. Funny thing is...I usually don't remember those nights too well. It does the same thing to Laia for some reason. It doesn't bother Avana at all and she prepared early to switch with me if it got too bad. It wasn't necessary, though I did alter to Laia at one point because she wanted to talk to Eden. I think it helps her cope with the pain.
Agenda for today:
*Watch another movie with Emily.
*Do some last minute homework.
*Learn how to make an origami pinwheel.
*Try to help Eden through the day...[hasn't been a good one for her so far].
*Stop making agendas.
Today has been an interesting day, to say the least. Emily is a lot more active than Laia or Avana. She came out earlier this morning and colored for a little while, but Eden didn't know what to do because Emily wasn't talking, so Eden asked her to go get me. It made Emily feel kind of bad because she's just a kid and that seemed more like "Go away" to her. It took Avana a while to calm her down and explain to her that Eden didn't mean it like that.
I went out for lunch with my dad, his fiance, and my aunt. About half-way through our meal, I saw a little girl go over to the gumball machine. Emily got excited and came out for a minute and started bouncing and she had this huge smile on her face because the other girl was around her age and she wanted to ask her to play. She quickly went back in when she caught my father's eye. There was a moment of awkward silence and extremely odd looks from my family and I didn't really know what had just happened. The rest of the time was uncomfortable because every time I'd go to say something, they either ignored me or treated me like a child. I suppose that should have been expected.
We came home and I got a few children's books, some "How to Draw __" books, other activity books, and a puzzle from upstairs where we keep all my childhood things. I told Emily that I would play The Lion King 1 1/2 for her later if she was a good girl all day. She drew Eden a "picshur" of the two of them all happy and smiling and wrote that she loves her. And she read a book. So I tried to play the DVD on my computer and it won't play because apparently I don't have the proper DVD-Decoder installed, so...I had a whining, upset 5 year old to soothe.
Avana says that Emily is lonely because she's "the only kid in a group of big people" and she has no one her age to play with. I feel so bad...I find myself somewhat wishing there was another child alter in there so she can have some company. =\
i drawed eden sumting today. she likd it she sed. i am hapy. i lik her a hol lot. i am sad cos the movie wont play but rae sed i can wach sumting els layter.
She told us her name is Emily. I let her come out for what seemed like barely half an hour; Eden says it was about 2 hours. I told her if she wanted to come out to play, it was okay. She colored Eden a picture of a cat in a flower pot and she was so excited when she finished! She seems to be more around the age of 4-5. I read somewhere that little's ages can fluctuate and it's still the same child...which would make sense because her comprehension, capabilities, and methods of activity change.
I'm not great with kids.. I mean, I'm okay, but I don't always have time to play and Avana doesn't have time to babysit her continuously throughout the day - she's busy. Eden doesn't exactly know how to handle children either and Laia certainly doesn't understand how to nurture a child.
Eden offered to buy her a 500 piece puzzle and earlier told me she could look into getting some second grade workbooks because she can't attend school. Laia and Avana both function on a college level with me, so if I switch during class, they can keep up. Hell, they usually do better than I do anyway. But Emily's 7. If she comes out during class...that could be a huge problem.
And what about around my family? The other two can "be me" around them, but Emily, again, is a 7 year old that needs 7 year old attention. My dad looks at Avana funny sometimes because she slips with her accent and whenever Laia's out, they fight because she's so headstrong and "won't take his shit." I never really fought back and still don't, so I guess it catches him off guard...I'm losing my train of thought.
I feel like I don't have the means to provide things that she needs - arts and crafts, more coloring books, something to get attached to like a stuffed animal or a blanket, hair bows, clips, children's books, appropriate music...-sighs- ...I don't know how I'm going to do this.
Okay, so...bit of an odd morning for me. According to Eden, I do, in fact, have a little. She is 7 and extremely shy to the point of fear. She cried when Eden asked her to unfreeze the Skype video because she didn't know how. And apparently she has a bit of a comprehension problem. Eden asked her what her name is and she didn't know, so Eden asked her if she could give her a temporary name. Eden chose Ophilia, but she didn't like it much, so Eden asked what she likes and she responded, "I like finger paints." She couldn't answer very well what she looks like. I don't know what to think. Laia is supposedly working on figuring out why she's here, what to do with her, and how to keep her occupied. Eden told me that Avana is babysitting, which is probably best because she loves children and is somewhat childlike herself. I'm a little afraid.
