Something's missing, today.. I woke feeling empty and lethargic with hints of nostalgia. If you can imagine what it would feel like if your brain were nauseous, congratulations; you know how I feel. My stomach is in a knot. I could have had a weird dream or something. I'm never sure anymore....just blank...
I feel alone more often than not. Every now and then I'm almost sure I heard a small voice or I get that liquid-y, pushing feeling like I'm going to switch and it never comes. To be honest, to go from constant activity to zero activity really does some damage to the inner ecosystem. I think that's when I started losing..
Sometimes I think Auvrea's stalking me. I see her in the corner of my eye sometimes, usually in darkness where I am weaker, but not defenseless. Sometimes I think I can feel all the anger in Hell, all the desperation and suffering. Sometimes I think they're after me. I've considered hospitalization, but that would just make it easier for them. I feel that not many places are safe.
I wish the sky could be lavender for a day. And that at night the stars were paper and the moon was a lantern hung from a pole. I wish that I could still see the world through Emily's eyes - so bright and full of magic and wonder and innocence and beauty. It's a simpler time as a child. I guess I should try to play with her sometime; see if I can get her out. If I can talk to Emily, I can at least communicate with L and A until I figure out how to do it myself.
Speaking of children...well, gotta go. Niece and nephews are here.
