When Rae started this blog, we expected no one to read it. But Eden got so much attention, so most of the people that end up here just filtered down through her. Which is fun for Eden, we imagine, but we have to be honest with anyone and everyone that reads because we feel it's owed to you at least. We don't want our relationship to be a lie, so let's get this straight. We don't do this for you. We're not writing this blog for you or so that you'll read it; just this paragraph. This is all you will likely ever get from me, personally. I am not like Eden. I do not care for people and I do not try to be nice because I think the human race is repugnant and idiotic and the world would be better off without most of us. We have a hard enough time getting through the day, wading through Rae's miserable pool of shit and bad circumstances without occasionally becoming or being made to feel like some kind of sideshow entertainment for "normal" people. Also, I don't like you, nor do I care.
The biggest reason I'm still on this site is because I send traffic to Eden sometimes. I'm actually uber paranoid of putting myself out on the internet like this because it's like cutting open my chest for everyone to see and I know you'll never feel the pain that caused these scars or see the tears that formed these oceans. Most can't and never will understand, not even for a second, what it's like to honestly forget who you are - to forget your own face, your name, the people you love most; to look in the mirror and see yourself for the first time. Most people don't have to live life feeling dirty all the time or ashamed that you can't remember what everyone else is talking about. It's a fucked up thing to open my mouth and someone else's voice and someone else's words come out instead of my own. I'd rather be left alone...where I can't hurt anyone anymore and I don't have to feel anymore. You can read my blog, but you don't know me, and honestly, you never will. How could you? I don't even know myself..
Labels: Laia
