Guilty by Dissociation

I don't think I can really categorize my blog as being about DID anymore... I mean, sure, it's still in here occasionally, but it's not the main topic. It's more about my fucked up thought processes...so...does it still work? I guess so; you keep coming back.

Oh right, so I wanted to give you guys an update in case I'm not around. I might be, but we'll see. It depends on how dedicated I am to it.

I feel like ranting about something, but I just don't feel strongly about anything right now. I did before I got online.. OH! There it is! I hate how sometimes I have it in my head to do something and then as soon as I go to do it, I either don't want to anymore or I forgot what I was doing. Okay, sure, we could blame my less than adequate memory, but you wanna know what I think happens? I think my life is some kind of government experiment and there's a microchip in my head that broadcasts high frequency signals back to a satellite that then converts it into an image map of my brain onto a government super-computer that has control panels so they can manipulate my mind using small series of electric shocks so they can figure out how much of a person's memory can safely be removed. Needless to say, they kind of overshot the safety part cos I don't remember SHIT. I also believe that all these horrible things happen to me because my life is also being broadcast on an alien television network 2 nights a week and they need drama/entertainment too. It's like how we go meddle with the wildlife (aka: lesser species) and turn their lives into entertainment for us because they don't realize a camera is there. It's scary how much that sense that makes..

Anyways...

I'm tired of being unemployed, but I'm not tired of being able to sleep whenever I want or play video games or get online or eat whenever I want to. It's not quite a fair trade for having no money, though. I would need that whole list there and frequent, regular sex to be totally fine with not having a job or being in school. God, I fail. Constantly. And it's usually because of things that are out of my control. So...WTF YO?!? What happened to free will and deciding my own destiny and all that? That's some quality, Grade A bull shit right there. ....Damn.. I'm back on the job search though because I haven't heard anything from the place that supposedly hired me. Sweet.

I love this album. There's something about Rise Against that fascinates my eardrums. I was actually talking to a friend a while back about why the 90's were a kickass decade for music as far as album releases go. There was Nirvana, Radiohead, Pearl Jam, R.E.M., the Chili Peppers, Metallica, Sound Garden, Oasis, Goo Goo Dolls, Green Day before they got all gay and shit, Alice In Chains, Matchbox 20, 2pac. I mean the Presidents of the United States of America gave us Peaches. Millions of peaches.. For free.

We also talked about this lady that's more of a dude than most men. But she's straight. We both know this because she was his daddy's first wife. She got in a fight with a guy once. She was talking shit and he straight rocked her face. Her head turned and all that. And she looked up at him, spit 2 teeth out and said "Just the way I like it."
And then he got knocked the fuck out. Thank you to those that got the reference.

I love making Eden laugh. It's like...the best thing I can do with my day. She has such a beautiful smile.. I think that one day I'll find that happy place that everyone looks for. I think it's going to be peaceful and weightless and free and bright because that's what I find in her presence if only I could just see her... -sigh-

Oh, right...my mom. She's been gone all morning so I totally forgot about how she makes my blood pressure rise when she's around. She's loud and self-righteous and all she talks about is Jesus and what she does for other people and then she turns around and complains about it. She's always complaining. She never leaves me alone when it's an inappropriate time for conversation. Such as when I'm in the bathroom (this includes all bathroom activities), sleeping, naked, crying, talking to Eden - I was on Skype with her and my mom fucking ripped ass in my room the other night and it was so nasty. And she was like..yelling (as if she doesn't on a normal basis) at the laptop, "Yeah, I farted! It was me!" I wanted to punch her. I really really did. Like...I've only done it once and I said I wouldn't do it anymore, so I had to stick to it, but with God as my witness, I wanted to.

I need to smoke now.

Oh before I forget! Mott's mango and peach apple sauce is where it's at. Just sayin'.